is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
