I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
