Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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