dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
