I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
