you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
