I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She needs sedatives and a leash
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If I die, sorry about rent.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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