Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
