there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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