I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
