I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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