So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
