East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
