We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
