I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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