saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
