my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
