Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
