im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
