You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
