Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
