I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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