i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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