The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
