oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
they need to just BURY HIM!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
