I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
