people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
