1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We left an ass print on the piano.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
