i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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