3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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