I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
