Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
