____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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