no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
