Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
