they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
