Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
apparently the secret to your success is patron
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize