My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
