It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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