he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
