He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
