also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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