can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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