Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
