How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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