Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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