That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Randomize