The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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