Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
