Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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