She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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