I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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