He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
