Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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