we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
