The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
