Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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