I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
