Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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