I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
