We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize