my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
