I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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