i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
