I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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