there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
