are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
