im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
