Where did you get a picture of my penis
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
