I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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