Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
