No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
