Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize